It is midnight in a college dorm. "Show me one verse," her roommate says. "One verse that says marriage has to be a man and a woman. You can't, because it isn't there. It's just tradition."
Maybe the question is closer to home: a divorce in the family, or a friend asking why the Catholic Church will not recognize as marriage what the law now allows. The answer is not one verse. It is the whole Bible, and Jesus Himself put the key verses together in one sentence.
Short answer: Marriage is a lifelong, exclusive covenant of one man and one woman, made by God "from the beginning." Jesus joined Genesis 1:27 ("male and female") to Genesis 2:24 (the two "become one body") and concluded, "what God has joined together, no human being must separate" (Matthew 19:4–6). The Catholic Church teaches that this covenant "is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring," and that between the baptized Christ has raised it "to the dignity of a sacrament" (CCC 1601). It is one, lifelong, open to children, and an icon of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:32).
Key verses on marriage
- "God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)
- "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." (Genesis 2:24)
- "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate." (Matthew 19:6)
- "This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:32)
- "Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterers." (Hebrews 13:4)
Scripture quotations are from the New American Bible, Revised Edition (NABRE), © 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
What Protestants, Critics, and Others Believe
Historic Protestantism agrees on the basics. The Westminster Confession says: "Marriage is to be between one man and one woman: neither is it lawful for any man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more than one husband at the same time" (Westminster Confession 24.1).
But the Reformers denied that marriage is a sacrament. John Calvin called marriage "a good and holy ordinance of God," but added that "agriculture, architecture, shoemaking, and shaving, are lawful ordinances of God; but they are not sacraments." He claimed that "no man ever saw" marriage "to be a sacrament, until the time of Gregory," blaming the Latin sacramentum in Ephesians 5:32 (Institutes 4.19.34–36).
Many Protestants permit divorce and remarriage. Westminster holds that after adultery "it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce, and after the divorce to marry another" (24.5).
Newer views go further. Some Christian bodies now bless same-sex unions, arguing that the heart of marriage is faithful, self-giving love, and that the texts against same-sex acts had exploitation in view, not committed couples. Secular critics add that marriage keeps changing, that the patriarchs' many wives show "biblical marriage" was never one thing, and that the law should recognize any loving relationship. These are sincere arguments, and they deserve answers.
What Catholics Actually Teach
"God himself is the author of marriage." "The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator" (CCC 1603; see 1601, 1604–1605). It is the covenant "by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life" (Code of Canon Law, canon 1055 §1).
A man and a woman. The sexes' "difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life" (CCC 2333). In 2003 the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, with the approval of Pope St. John Paul II, taught: "No ideology can erase from the human spirit the certainty that marriage exists solely between a man and a woman" (Considerations 2). There are "absolutely no grounds" for considering same-sex unions "similar or even remotely analogous to God's plan for marriage and family" (Considerations 4).
A sacrament. Canon law teaches that "a valid matrimonial contract cannot exist between the baptized without it being by that fact a sacrament" (canon 1055 §2). Christian marriage "becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church" (CCC 1617; see 1613–1616). The Council of Trent (Session 24, 1563) condemned the claim that matrimony "has been invented by men in the Church" and "does not confer grace" (canon 1).
One, and for life. "The essential properties of marriage are unity and indissolubility" (canon 1056). "Polygamy is contrary to conjugal love which is undivided and exclusive" (CCC 1645; see 1643–1644). "Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law," and a new civil union "adds to the gravity of the rupture" (CCC 2384; see 2382–2386).
Open to life. "Children are the supreme gift of marriage" (CCC 1652). Yet "Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning" (CCC 1654; see 1653). See Is Birth Control a Sin?
What Catholics do not teach:
- That marriage is a lesser or merely tolerated path. With St. Paul (1 Corinthians 7:38) and the Council of Trent (Session 24, canon 10), the Catholic Church holds that virginity for the Kingdom is in itself the higher state, yet "Both the sacrament of Matrimony and virginity for the Kingdom of God come from the Lord himself" (CCC 1620). Each is a true call to holiness.
- That a childless couple is less married. "Sterility neither prohibits nor nullifies marriage" (canon 1084 §3).
- That a spouse must stay with an abuser. Grave danger gives "a legitimate cause for leaving" (canon 1153 §1; CCC 2383).
- That people with same-sex attraction may be scorned. "They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity" (CCC 2358).
If this touches a wound. Perhaps you carry a divorce you did not want, a marriage outside the Church, or parents who split up. The Catholic Church does not write you off. A spouse who is "the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law" has "not contravened the moral law" (CCC 2386). The divorced and remarried must be helped "so that they do not consider themselves separated from the Church" (CCC 1651). An annulment is not a Catholic divorce; it declares "that the marriage never existed" (CCC 1629; see Isn't an Annulment Just Catholic Divorce?). Many marriages made outside the Church can be made valid (canons 1156–1165). Every sin, repented, is forgiven in confession. To every child of a broken home: "Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me in" (Psalm 27:10). Call your parish and ask for a priest.
It all points to Christ. Marriage begins and ends with Jesus. He worked His first sign at a wedding, and He "loved the church and handed himself over for her" (Ephesians 5:25). He "gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God" (CCC 1615), and every faithful marriage points to His own wedding feast.
The Biblical Case
1. God made marriage at creation: male and female, made for each other
Marriage appears on the Bible's first page, before sin. "God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." At once "God blessed them and God said to them: Be fertile and multiply" (Genesis 1:27–28). Sexual difference is God's design.
Genesis 2 zooms in: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him" (Genesis 2:18). When God brings the woman, the man cries out, "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23). Then the rule for every generation: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body" (Genesis 2:24).
2. Jesus defined marriage by going back to "the beginning"
Asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?" (Matthew 19:3), Jesus went back to creation: "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?" (Matthew 19:4–5; Mark 10:6–8).
Jesus welds Genesis 1:27 to Genesis 2:24 into one definition. He "unequivocally taught the original meaning of the union of man and woman as the Creator willed it from the beginning" (CCC 1614).
3. One flesh means one spouse, for life
Because God joins the spouses, no human power can separate them. "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery" (Mark 10:11–12; see Luke 16:18). St. Paul repeats it "(not I, but the Lord)": a separated wife "must either remain single or become reconciled to her husband—and a husband should not divorce his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:10–11). "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives" (1 Corinthians 7:39). Once a sacramental marriage is consummated, only death ends the bond: it "can be dissolved by no human power and by no cause, except death" (canon 1141).
The prophets agreed: "do not break faith with the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce, says the LORD, the God of Israel" (Malachi 2:15–16).
4. Marriage is ordered to children
The first blessing on the first couple is fruitfulness (Genesis 1:28). Malachi asks why God made husband and wife one: "Did he not make them one, with flesh and spirit? And what does the One require? Godly offspring!" (Malachi 2:15). Only a man and a woman can give a child life, and every child needs the lasting love of both.
5. Marriage is holy and joyful, and Christ blessed it
Scripture celebrates marriage: "have joy of the wife of your youth" (Proverbs 5:18); "Set me as a seal upon your heart ... For Love is strong as Death" (Song of Songs 8:6). On their wedding night Tobiah prays, "Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife," and asks God to "grant that we may grow old together. Bless us with children" (Tobit 8:7; see Why Catholic Bibles Have 7 More Books).
Jesus worked His first sign at "a wedding in Cana in Galilee" (John 2:1), where He "revealed his glory" (John 2:11; CCC 1613).
6. Marriage is a sacrament and an icon of Christ and the Church
St. Paul sets the husband's standard at the Cross: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Quoting Genesis 2:24, he adds: "This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). The Greek mystērion became sacramentum in the Latin Vulgate (Greek and Latin text). Calvin put marriage in the same category as shoemaking, but no apostle ever called shoemaking "a great mystery" about Christ and the Church. For the baptized, marriage is a channel of Christ's grace, which is why Trent condemned anyone who denies that matrimony is "truly and properly one of the seven sacraments of the evangelic law" (Session 24, canon 1; see Are There Really Seven Sacraments?).
The Bible ends with a wedding. The Lamb's "bride has made herself ready" (Revelation 19:7), and "Blessed are those who have been called to the wedding feast of the Lamb" (Revelation 19:9), and the new Jerusalem comes down "prepared as a bride adorned for her husband" (Revelation 21:2). Christ and His Church are different and made for each other. He has one Bride, so marriage is one with one. He never abandons her, so marriage is for life. He gives His life to bring forth children of God, so marriage is open to life. Change the icon, and it no longer shows the Gospel.
Objections Answered
(a) "The Old Testament patriarchs had many wives."
At its strongest: Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon had several wives, and the Law regulated polygamy without banning it: "If a man has two wives, one loved and the other unloved" (Deuteronomy 21:15). If God tolerated it then, how can it be against His plan?
Answer: Jesus answered: "Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8). Concessions to hard hearts do not define marriage; the beginning does. The Catechism admits that "the polygamy of patriarchs and kings is not yet explicitly rejected" (CCC 1610). But Scripture records it without praising it, and shows the misery: Sarai and Hagar (Genesis 16:4–5), Hannah tormented by "Her rival" (1 Samuel 1:6). The Law warned kings, "Neither shall he have a great number of wives, lest his heart turn away" (Deuteronomy 17:17), and Solomon's wives "turned his heart" (1 Kings 11:3). The New Testament restores the beginning: "every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2). Polygamy is "contrary to the equal personal dignity of men and women" (CCC 2387).
(b) "Marriage is a social construct that changes with culture."
At its strongest: Marriage has taken countless forms across history. If culture has always shaped it, each society may reshape it.
Answer: The customs vary, as the Catechism admits: "Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries" (CCC 1603). Everywhere, marriage centers on man and woman, because only their union brings forth children. The Congregation calls this "a truth that is evident to right reason and recognized as such by all the major cultures of the world" (Considerations 2). Jesus did not ask what His culture thought, but what God made "from the beginning" (Matthew 19:4).
(c) "Jesus never said marriage must be a man and a woman."
At its strongest: The Gospels record no saying of Jesus about same-sex relationships. He was asked about divorce, not about who may marry.
Answer: True, the Bible never mentions same-sex marriage by name. But Jesus was asked what marriage is, and He answered with a definition. He chose Genesis 1:27, God made them "male and female," and then said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife" (Matthew 19:4–5). The one-flesh union exists because God made two sexes. He also gave His apostles, and through them the Catholic Church, authority to teach in His name: "Whoever listens to you listens to me" (Luke 10:16; see 1 Timothy 3:15). See Is Being Gay a Sin?
(d) "Love is love. Why limit marriage?"
At its strongest: Two men or two women can love each other faithfully and raise children with devotion. Refusing them marriage seems to say their love is not real.
Answer: Not every real love is marriage. A mother's love and a friend's love are real, and neither is marriage. "Marriage is not just any relationship between human beings. It was established by the Creator with its own nature, essential properties and purpose" (Considerations 2). It is the one union where a man and a woman become one flesh in the kind of act that gives life, and so where a child receives a mother and a father. The Congregation warns that children placed with same-sex couples "would be deprived of the experience of either fatherhood or motherhood" (Considerations 7).
(e) "Infertile and elderly couples marry, so procreation can't be essential."
At its strongest: The Catholic Church marries couples who cannot have children. If children were essential, those marriages would be invalid.
Answer: What matters is the kind of union. "Sterility neither prohibits nor nullifies marriage" (canon 1084 §3). An infertile couple still unite in the very act through which life comes; if no child follows, the cause is a condition of the body, not the nature of the union. Same-sex acts, by contrast, "close the sexual act to the gift of life" (Considerations 4, quoting CCC 2357). Scripture honors childless couples: Sts. Zechariah and Elizabeth "were righteous in the eyes of God," yet "they had no child" (Luke 1:6–7). St. Augustine said marriage is good "also on account of the natural society itself in a difference of sex," or else it "would not any longer be called marriage in the case of old persons" (On the Good of Marriage 3).
(f) "St. Paul said it's better not to marry."
At its strongest: St. Paul says the unmarried do well "to remain as they are, as I do" (1 Corinthians 7:8), and "the one who does not marry her will do better" (1 Corinthians 7:38).
Answer: St. Paul is right, and the Catholic Church agrees: Trent teaches that it is "better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony" (Session 24, canon 10). But that does not make marriage second-rate. St. Paul is speaking of vocations: "each has a particular gift from God, one of one kind and one of another" (1 Corinthians 7:7). "If you marry, however, you do not sin" (1 Corinthians 7:28). Jesus praised those who "have renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven," then added, "Whoever can accept this ought to accept it" (Matthew 19:12): a call for some, not a rule for all. The Catechism quotes St. John Chrysostom: "Whoever denigrates marriage also diminishes the glory of virginity" (CCC 1620). See Why Can't Catholic Priests Marry?
(g) "Jesus allowed divorce for adultery (Matthew 19:9)."
At its strongest: In the King James Version, Jesus says, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another" commits adultery (Matthew 19:9, KJV). So adultery frees the innocent spouse to remarry.
Answer: St. Mark, St. Luke, and St. Paul give Jesus' teaching with no exception (Mark 10:11–12; Luke 16:18; 1 Corinthians 7:10–11). In Matthew the exception word is porneia, not the word for adultery used in the same verse (moichatai; Greek text). One strong Catholic reading, reflected in the NABRE, renders it "(unless the marriage is unlawful)," and its note explains that unions forbidden by Leviticus 18 "were regarded as incest (porneia)" (note on Matthew 5:31–32): unions that were never valid marriages. The disciples' reaction confirms it: "If that is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry" (Matthew 19:10). Many Fathers read the clause another way: it permits separation, never remarriage. On either reading, Trent upheld the teaching that "the bond of matrimony cannot be dissolved on account of the adultery of one of the married parties" (Session 24, canon 7). Separation can be legitimate (CCC 2383); remarriage while a validly married spouse lives is not. Read Isn't an Annulment Just Catholic Divorce?
The Early Church Agrees
- St. Ignatius of Antioch (Letter to Polycarp 5, before his martyrdom, AD 98–117): "But it becomes both men and women who marry, to form their union with the approval of the bishop, that their marriage may be according to God, and not after their own lust" (newadvent.org). Marriage was already a matter for the Church.
- Hermas (The Shepherd, Commandment 4.1, mid-2nd century): "But if he put his wife away and marry another, he also commits adultery" (newadvent.org). No loopholes.
- Letter to Diognetus (5, anonymous; date disputed, 2nd to early 4th century): "They marry, as do all [others]; they beget children; but they do not destroy their offspring. They have a common table, but not a common bed" (newadvent.org).
- Clement of Alexandria (Stromata 2.23, c. AD 202): "Marriage is the first conjunction of man and woman for the procreation of legitimate children" (ccel.org).
- Tertullian (To His Wife 2.8, c. AD 200–206): "that marriage which the Church cements, and the oblation confirms, and the benediction signs and seals" (newadvent.org). Marriage was blessed by the Church at the Eucharist.
- St. John Chrysostom (Homily 20 on Ephesians, c. AD 386–407): "For there is nothing which so welds our life together as the love of man and wife" (newadvent.org).
- St. Augustine (On the Good of Marriage 32, c. AD 401): the good of marriage "stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the Sacrament" (newadvent.org). The three goods: children, fidelity, sacrament.
From Antioch to Rome, Carthage, Alexandria, and Hippo, the witness is the same: marriage is a man and a woman, ordered to children, faithful, blessed by the Church, and unbreakable. As for Calvin's "until the time of Gregory": the first Pope Gregory, Pope St. Gregory the Great, reigned 590–604, long after Tertullian and St. Augustine.
Conclusion
The roommate asked for one verse. The real answer is better. Genesis gives the design, Jesus the definition, St. Paul the meaning, and Revelation the destination: the wedding feast of the Lamb. The Catholic Church cannot rewrite what God wrote into creation, but she can heal, forgive, and bless marriages that begin again in truth.
Come home. The Church that has guarded marriage as one man and one woman, for life, since the apostles, and celebrates it as a sacrament of Christ's love, is the Catholic Church. Christ did not found many churches. He founded one, on St. Peter and the apostles (Matthew 16:18), and that Church is the Catholic Church. "It is through Christ's Catholic Church alone, which is the universal help toward salvation, that the fullness of the means of salvation can be obtained" (CCC 816). If you are a baptized Christian, you already share "a certain, although imperfect, communion" with her (CCC 838). Every truth you already hold is a call to the rest of the way. If you are not yet a Christian, we invite you to come and see. Christ is calling you into the Catholic Church.
Your next step: Come to Mass this Sunday at your local Catholic church. You can find one near you at MassTimes.org. Everyone is welcome; if you're not yet Catholic, pray with us but don't receive Communion yet. When you're ready to become Catholic, call the parish office and ask about OCIA, the Order of Christian Initiation of Adults. They will walk you through every step. Read our guide: How Do I Become Catholic? Not ready yet? Get our free pocket guide below and keep learning.
FAQ
Does the Catholic Church recognize Protestant marriages? Yes, when neither spouse is Catholic and nothing invalidates the marriage: "in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven" (canon 1060). Between two baptized Christians, a valid marriage is a sacrament (canon 1055 §2); with an unbaptized spouse, it is a true natural marriage but not a sacrament. A Catholic, however, must marry in the Catholic form or with a dispensation. See Can a Catholic Marry a Non-Catholic?
I am divorced and remarried without an annulment. Am I still welcome at Mass? Yes. You are still a member of the Church and should keep praying and raising your children in the faith (CCC 1651). While the second union continues, "they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists" (CCC 1650). Talk with your priest about a tribunal review.
Is living together before marriage a sin? The Catholic Church teaches that "the sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage" (CCC 2390). The way forward is open: go to confession, ask your parish about marriage preparation, and live chastely until the wedding.
Sources
Scripture (NABRE, bible.usccb.org): Genesis 1:27–28; Genesis 2:18–24; Genesis 16:4–5; Deuteronomy 17:17; Deuteronomy 21:15; 1 Samuel 1:6; 1 Kings 11:3; Tobit 8:5–8; Psalm 27:10; Proverbs 5:18; Song of Songs 8:6; Malachi 2:15–16; Matthew 5:31–32 (note); Matthew 16:18; Matthew 19:3–12; Mark 10:6–12; Luke 1:6–7; Luke 10:16; Luke 16:18; John 2:1–11; 1 Corinthians 7:2–39; Ephesians 5:25–32; 1 Timothy 3:15; Hebrews 13:4; Revelation 19:7–9; Revelation 21:2. Greek and Latin (newadvent.org): Ephesians 5; Matthew 19.
Catechism of the Catholic Church (vatican.va): 816, 838; 1601; 1603–1605, 1610, 1613–1617, 1620; 1629; 1643–1645, 1650–1654; 2333; 2357, 2358; 2382–2387, 2390.
Church documents: Code of Canon Law, canons 1055, 1056, 1060, 1084, 1153, 1156–1165; Council of Trent, Session 24 (1563), canons 1 and 7; Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions Between Homosexual Persons (2003), sections 2, 4, 7.
Church Fathers: St. Ignatius of Antioch, Letter to Polycarp 5; Hermas, The Shepherd, Commandment 4.1; Letter to Diognetus 5; Clement of Alexandria, Stromata 2.23; Tertullian, To His Wife 2.8; St. John Chrysostom, Homily 20 on Ephesians; St. Augustine, On the Good of Marriage 3, 32. Dates: Catholic Encyclopedia (newadvent.org).
Other sources: Westminster Confession of Faith, chapter 24; John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion 4.19.34–36; King James Version, Matthew 19:9 (objection only).